Love me….Anyway?

Amanda Marks
3 min readMay 7, 2021

All I have ever needed through the good and bad days, is just to be loved, anyway.

Chaos, unseen scars, broken pieces and pain,

Searching for sunshine after dark thunder and rain.

Either a trophy or even a pawn,

I wasn’t enough, but instead “John”.

Naïve with blurred vision I was barely a teen,

What did I do now, why are you so mean?

Each moment, now memory, blended in haze,

Why was it so hard, to just love me…..anyway?

Beauty, Brains, Prestige and Success,

I am doing it all, why are you seeing me less?

Lonely and aching, thick armor complete,

Twice abandoned and despised — I won’t, I can’t admit defeat!

I am stronger now, set apart from the rest,

I can breathe, I am free, to build my own nest.

Her and I now, NO — you don’t have a say!

It’s not my fault — you couldn’t — wouldn’t, love me….anyway.

Compliments catch feelings “your nothing like the rest”,

All lies and motives, deceit and failed tests.

So many people, stories, curiosity and intrigue,

But, I know deep is not safe, having a wall of armor will keep me from fatigue.

Familiarity & Friendship, Blind Belief and Charm,

Attraction, Connections, Safety not harm.

No hesitation, no fear, who would have guessed?

Easy & Calm, meant to be and blessed!

Jumped right in, when “you know you know” they say,

I just know your the one to love me….anyway.

A long story, no ending, but not the fairy-tale it would be,

Somewhere along the way you stopped being you, to me.

I could have changed her and my whole life — lived anywhere -& chased any dream,

Now, I find my peace in the trees and see your face in the stream.

The girl in the mirror, beauty/brains, prestige and success,

Now aged by addiction, unhappy and stressed.

2 angels await they will show me the way,

3 dragons will grow stronger and fierce if I am away.

Behind a church, in the dark, with two knives I sit,

Removing the cracked armor, that now doesn’t fit.

Embarrassment, Guilt and soooo much shame,

How did I get here, with only myself to blame?

Two angels were there, but instead showed me her face,

I hope she never finds out she was my saving grace!

I want to run, start over and again find my place,

But I can’t escape the stream, the connection I feel when I see his face.

This is not me, it’s not who I am,

I really need my big brother or in heaven my Gram.

Somehow, someway he helped me see,

That all along he was protecting us, he was protecting me!

I made it all so hard, he should just walk away!!!

Instead, he stood in front of me with a ring and showed me he loved me all along…….anyway.



Amanda Marks

Merging my professional background with a personally challenging life journey, to help and inspire others through creative and expressive writing.